If there was a prize for gaining weight POST-HOLIDAYS, I'd win it. And my acceptance speech would go like this:
"I'd like to thank Braum's and that donut store that sells apple fritters and Kroger for making those double doozy knock-offs. Without you guys, I'd be standing here about 7 pounds thinner. And, I'd like to apologize to God for totally trashing the vessel He gave me the day I was conceived. I promise to do better, Lord."
Yup. That sums it up. No control. Didn't care. Totally used food to comfort me.
In short: bought, hook-line-and-sinker, into the Devil's plan to screw up my life.
In the immortal words of Homer Simpson: "DOH!"
So, starting yesterday, I righted the ship. Turned that puppy around in the middle of a big old gigantic storm. And found out THERE IS DAYLIGHT OUT THERE! I remembered that life may be full of white-caps and threatening weather and scary moments, but there is a way out. For me, that out was the beginning of the Lenten season.
Lent has been such a good thing for me for about the last ten years or so. It really focuses me on sacrifice. And the more I sacrifice, the more I appreciate how little I am able to do in comparison to what Christ has already done for me.
Starting Weight Watchers seems like a big thing to me. Tracking every morsel of food that goes into my pie hole is a complete pain in the butt. Making sure I stay within my daily allowance of points is daunting.
But, in the big scheme of things, it isn't saving all people for all times. It really is the very least I can do for 40 days.*
And the end result is that I feel better, look better, and am able to more fully participate in life. My mind is less cloudly. My body feels less sluggish. My desire to do life is stronger. That's something I think Christ would give me a high-five and two thumbs up for.
Best of all? I'm seeing positive signs that some of you are praying for us. Even though you were relatively silent after reading this post, I know that is a true statement. In the past couple of days, Mike has been able to get off work a little earlier than in the last several weeks. We've discovered that Nickels will be playing soccer with one of his besties from way back at Bowie Elementary. And there are other, minor moments of grace that I can't quite put into words.
So, THANK YOU. I love each of you, whether you've had my back in prayer or not. But, those who even said a little prayer when you read the post? I ADORE you.
I keep learning the lesson that my past likes to jump up and bite me in the butt. I keep being reminded that so much of what I do in life is related to my intense fear of rejection. I keep learning that God is the only way out of whatever box or corner or prison I've walked into that is stopping me from truly living life for Him.
I would love to say that this is the last time I will go through this cycle, but I sincerely doubt it. I would love to say that I've had a Paul-like conversion and that my life has been so radically changed that I won't relapse. I'd truly love to think that I've overcome all the demons. But, I know that isn't true.
I'm a work in progress. I'm the first draft of a novel that needs a ton of editing. I'm a pool that constantly has to be checked to make sure it is perfected balanced or it becomes horribly overrun with funk.
I'm imperfect, often the anti-thesis of the Lord I love so much. But, with His help, and with your prayers, I'm making a major step toward "better" this Lent.
So, here's to Lent. Here's to 40 days of the best sacrifice we can give. But, most importantly, here's to the season of remembering that God has our backs, in all situations and in all times.
*And, probably, beyond.